Everything You Ever Needed to Know about the Apostrophe But Didn't Give a Damn
I've always liked the word "apostrophe." That very Latin- and Greek-sounding, four-syllable word describing a tiny little sperm-like mark--a dab of ink on the page--seems bigger than necessary. It comes from the Latin apostrephein, meaning to "avert, turn away," from apo ("from") plus strephein ("to turn"). In English, the mark usually substitutes the "e" in "es" for possessive endings.
Now most of us know some of the uses of the apostrophe, but I thought I'd do a refresher on its use, since I recently noticed it being used incorrectly by writers who should know better. So here are the proper uses and some examples:
1. Use an apostrophe in a contraction to show where letters have been omitted, or left out.
As she felt another contraction coming on, Monica screamed: "I don't think I can do this!" (The apostrophe shows that the letter "o" has been omitted.)
2. Use an apostrophe when leaving out the first two numbers of a year.
She was in the class of '69 and thought oral sex meant just talking about it.
3. For a singular noun that does not end in s, add 's.
The girl's face was so ugly, her mother fed her with a slingshot.
4. For a one syllable singular noun that ends in possessive.
It is her boss's baby and was conceived while getting a raise.
5. If a singular noun has more than one syllable and ends in s, it is acceptable to use 's OR to use only an apostrophe after the s. (But I try to be consistent.)
The metropolis's citizens were very friendly during our visit, but they were quite unnerved by our space ship.
Acceptable: The metropolis' citizens were very friendly during our visit, but they were quite unnerved by our space ship.
6. To form the possessive of a singular proper noun ending in s, it is acceptable to add 's OR to add only an apostrophe. (Again, I try to be consistent.)
Mr. Ness's classroom is very exciting, because he allows us to call him Elliot and carries a tommy-gun.
Acceptable: Mr. Ness' classroom is very exciting, because he allows us to call him Elliot and carries a tommy-gun.
7. If a plural noun ends in s, add an apostrophe after the s.
The transvestites' gowns were the best that money could bi.
8. If a plural noun does not end with an s, form the possessive by using an apostrophe before an s.
The mice's tales were cut off by their agent's inability to find a publisher.
9. For a compound noun, place the possessive ending after the last word.
My mother-in-law's cat disappeared without a trace. (singular)
My brothers-in-law's grins reminded me of Cheshire cats. (plural)
10. To show possession of the same object by more than one noun, only make the last noun in the series possessive.
I'm looking for Mrs. Peter, Mrs. Ball, and Miss Legg's office. (They all share the same office.)
I'm looking for Mrs. Peter's, Mrs. Ball's, and Miss Legg's offices. (Each person has her own office.)
11. Use an apostrophe to form the plural of a number, letter, or sign used as a word.
As a kid, I watched my p's and q's so I could get some p's and quiet.
Damn. There, take it. I just gave a damn. Accept it and enjoy using the apostrophe. Onward!
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