Conundrums and Drums Without Conuns
Have you ever been writing and get to one of those writing conundrums that stop you dead in your keyboard? Happens to me all the time. And I have to stop, think, think, think, then Google. Over the years, and even in the last couple of hours, I've managed to slather and cement the answers to these word-use mindbenders.
Here are my top five and how I have learned (and re-learned) to unscramble their mysteries:
1. Affect and Effect
Affect means bring about a change, move the feelings of someone or pretend to do something.
Effect means a result, consequence or outcome.
Affect is a verb; effect is a noun. This alone helps me 83% of the time, because when I'm writing I usually can figure out pretty quick whether I'm looking for the verb or the noun. The other 17% of the time? Fifteen percent of the time I'm not paying attention to the writing, because I'm stuffing my face with Baskin & Robbins' Peanut Butter and Chocolate ice cream, and the other 2% of the time I'm dozing at the keyboard after eating too much Baskin & Robbins.
Here's a visual aid that also helps me remember:
2. All right and Alright
Alright is not All right. Most grammarians and style guides agree that alright is a misspelling of all right, which means adequate, permissible or satisfactory.
So I can use it in sentences such as these: "The Jamoca Almond Fudge was delicious, but the Mint Chip Aardvark Crunch was just all right" or "Is it all right if I lick the cap on the carton?"
Whoa, Nellie, we're headed for the cow shed! Guess what? Those stiff-upper-lippers across the pond have accepted the one-word version in British English! And just when that confirms for me that I'll never use the one-word version, by George, I read that the American Heritage Guide to Contemporary Usage and Style elects to contradict itself by stating that "alright" as one word "has never been accepted as standard" but it later explains that "all right" as two words and "alright" as one word each have their own meaning. The examples the Guide give are the sentence "The figures are all right," which means "the figures are all accurate." But if I write "The figures are alright," this means "the figures are satisfactory." Huh? So it's not accepted as standard, but, hey, we're going to tell you how to use both: the right one and the alright one.
Alright as one word has replaced various American colloquialisms meaning "okay" or "look" when used as an introductory attention-getter, such as "Alright, give me back my French Vanilla and I'll remove my spoon from your derriere."
Fluxations in language never stop. I used to think "alright" as one word--like The Beatles, placenta facials and dog massages--was just a British fad. But it may be here to stay...like The Beatles.
All right, let me just say this: here at The American Writer and in the halls of our institutions of higher learning alright is currently not acceptable English. Period.
3. Lay and Lie
Let's ignore the meaning of "to tell an untruth" and just look at the "setting" versus "reclining" meaning of lay and lie. The important distinction is that lay requires a direct object and lie does not. So you lie down on the sofa (no direct object), but you lay the book down on the table (the book is the direct object).
It's pretty easy; you lay something down, and people lie down by themselves. Mignon Fogarty, the grammar guru, showed me a great way to remember this. Just remember that those two great song writers--Bob Dylan and Eric Clapton--both get it wrong. Dylan's memorable song "Lay Lady Lay" is grammatically incorrect. The lyrics should be “Lie lady lie, lie across my big brass bed.” And Clapton's "Lay Down Sally" would imply that I should take hold of Sally and lay her down. If Eric wanted Sally to recline in his arms on her own, he should have written “lie down Sally.”
Now, this is fine when I'm writing in the present tense, where something is happening now. Where it gets confusing is when I'm writing in the past tense, because lay is the past tense of lie.
Here's another visual aid from the grammar guru, Mignon Fogarty:
So...
I lie down on the floor of the ice cream store and throw a fit because there's no whip cream for my hot fudge sundae.
But...
Yesterday, I lay down on the floor of the ice cream store and threw a fit because there wasn't any whip cream for my hot fudge sundae.
And...
I've lain down on the floor of the ice cream store and thrown a fit because there wasn't any whip cream for my hot fudge sundae.
On the other hand...
I lay down my hot fudge sundae before I throw a fit over the absence of whip cream!
But...
Yesterday, I laid down my hot fudge sundae before I threw a fit over the absence of whip cream!
And...
I've laid down my hot fudge sundae before throwing a fit over the absence of whip cream!
At least I'm smart enough to lay down the darn sundae so I won't spill it.
4. Further and Farther
Farther is used for physical distance; further is used for metaphorical or figurative distance. I just remember that "far" is in "farther" to help me discern that it's about physical distance.
It's farther to the gym than it is to the ice cream store and that's why I weigh 235 pounds, so let's not discuss my weight any further. I used "farther" for the physical distance between the gym and the ice cream store, and I used "further" for the extent of the discussion, a figurative distance.
It's ambiguous to me which word to use sometimes. Suppose a character in my story is reading something and then wants to interject some idea or information. Do I write, "Before I read any further in my story" or "Before I read any farther in my story"? Is my character referring to physical distance or figurative distance, since he's turning pages of a book or manuscript and I could say that there's physical distance between the first page and the pages coming after? Well, here's the good news! Experts tell me that if I'm not sure which word to use, I'm safer with further because farther has some restrictions. I can write, "My mind is made up: I want Strawberry Cheesecake Surprise. Further, I made it up after tasting the Raspberry Duct Tape Fudge." But I can't write, "My mind is made up: I want Strawberry Cheesecake Surprise. Farther, I made it up after tasting the Raspberry Duct Tape Fudge." Wait a sec. Duct tape and fudge? That can't be so bad.
5. Past and Passed
Past is used as an adjective, noun or adverb. Passed is the participle of the verb "to pass."
Past relates to time and sometimes space. Whereas, passed relates to movement. So I can write "I'm past (time) worrying about my weight, but still I passed (movement) Baskin & Robbins, because I discovered Dairy Queen's 25th anniversary celebration of its Blizzard means more for my money."
But this one stymied me: "The ball sped (past or passed) the batter." Is it time or space...or is it movement? Well, the ball's moving, but is the word the participle of "to pass" or is it an adverb? Can I write in present tense, "The ball speeds pass the batter?" Nay, nay. I just insert the question: "The ball sped how?" Past. Direction is a how question, so it has to be an adverb.
I will silence the drums on these conundrums and perhaps sometime in the future I'll unpuzzle you with some more. But for now...back to my Rainbow Coalition Sherbet.
Posted by Tom Eubanks at 7/14/2010 8:44 PM 
Categories: Mindbenders, On Writing
Tags: Working It Huh Essay
Categories: Mindbenders, On Writing
Tags: Working It Huh Essay
I can never remember lay or lie! Thanks for the chart. Now I want ice cream.
Reply to this
Swee-eet!
Reply to this
Liked it very much, but I not sure about the past/passed Illustration.
Reply to this
Just remember that passed is used when something is moving. "I moved passed the ice cream store." Think of this: I pass, I passed, I have passed. All are actions. "Past" is not action; it's time or space. "In the past (time), I ate lots of ice cream, but I've passed (movement) that time in my life." Hope that helps.
Reply to this