Choice Words: Avoiding Awkward, Vague and Unclear Writing
Writing is making choices. First I choose my topic or story. I take that back. First I choose the snack. Then I choose my topic or story. Then I choose my approach to telling the story or relating the information. And then I start to write and I have to choose the words. Awkwardness, vagueness and problems with clarity are often a result of poor word choice. But it's not the only reason. I may not be able to follow a sentence because of the syntax (the way the words and phrases are linked together) or just plain wordiness.
Here's a syntax example: Having finished washing the car, the hamburgers were quickly eaten.
The words are easy to understand: washing, car and hamburgers. The problem is that readers will probably assume the first introductory clause ("Having finished washing the car") links with the next noun that follows it, which is "the hamburgers." Were the hamburgers washing the car? Maybe in a Wendy's commercial. But here's what I meant to write:
Having finished washing the car, the workers quickly ate the hamburgers.
There's nothing awkward, vague or unclear about that sentence. I just had to write it while thinking of the reader's point of view. Once I figured out where it changed direction, I could fix it.
Wordiness is using words that my reader believes are bloated. I discovered this great list of examples and placed them in sentences. First are phrases that use three or more words where fewer words would be more efficient; second are my concise substitutes.
I came to the realization that you are one insufferable moron.
I realized that
She is of the opinion that somewhere over the rainbow there's no light at the end of the tunnel.
She thinks that
Concerning the matter of that big zit on the end of your nose: I'd like to suggest you pop it.
About
During the course of my proctology exam, I asked the doctor if he found my head up there.
During
In the event that you want to kiss me, please wait until I croak.
If
In the process of extracting my foot from my mouth, I realized I actually enjoyed its flavor.
While
Regardless of the fact that you're smarter than me, you shouldn't contradict me with facts.
Although
Due to the fact that the dog is man's best friend, please quit telling people I'm your best friend.
Because
At that point in time I asked her if she attended the School of Redundancy School.
Then
Prior to Christmas, I asked for a corduroy tuning fork, but now I want a Hebrew National Salami that glows in the dark. (I stole this one from my friend, Bobby a.k.a. FJ.)
Before
Sometimes, though, problems with clarity are a matter of word choice.
Misused words, where the word doesn't mean what I think it does, may create some wild clarity problems:
Cheyenne Indians were a homophobic culture until the settlers arrived with show tunes.
Revision: Cheyenne Indians were a homogenous culture.
Words with unwanted connotations or meanings are great if you want a laugh:
He sprayed the roaches in their private places.
Revision: He sprayed the roaches in their hiding places.
Carefully reading my writing aloud helps me spot writing that is awkward, vague or unclear. But the best way I avoid it, is to take my time at choosing my words. If I'm not sure what a word means, I look it up. I use the dictionary or dictionary.com often. Between bites, course.
The important snack! I start with a Dr Pepper. It may kill me a few years early but the trade off is worth it! Some funny stuff here. Thanks for the entertainment and enlightenment.
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Snacks really help, don't they. Hey, after I published this, I went back and changed the title and added an image at the top. So it's been changed since you looked at it.
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Haha, the salami returns. Timm mentioned this some time ago and we both starting laughing. Everyone always forgets the inflatable pocket dice which was included with the salami and tuning fork. Thanks for memories!!
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What I always liked about those images were the crazy adjectives. It wasn't just a tuning fork, it was a corduroy tuning fork. That's so bizarre that anyone who doesn't find it funny is deceased. Thanks, for the memories....
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I run into this at work all the time.
I'll spend 10 minutes writing an email, then 20 minutes revising it & taking out the unnecessary words. So a simple reply takes about 1/2 hour.
I guess it's the hazard of writing technical emails to other engineers.
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I think it makes you competent. Or, wait. Isn't "engineer" a synonym for "obsessive"?
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