Creating Suspense, Tension and Surprise in Your Stories (Re-Published)
Previously published on 12/29/2009. The American Writer was an unknown blog, so I have decided to re-publish it.
Suspense Tension Surprise
Two brothers living in a small mid-western town were brought by homicide detectives to the police station for questioning about a murder of a woman in a restaurant. Once at the station, one brother, Ronny, admitted that he killed the woman in question. Gregory, the other brother, admitted to being there when it happened, but denied knowing it was going to happen. Gregory tried stopping Ronny from shooting the woman, but was unsuccessful.
The police had Ronny's confession and concluded that Gregory was not involved but only a witness. But they could not put Ronny in jail. And when they brought Ronny before the judge the next morning and the judge asked him how did he plea, Ronny said, "Guilty as hell, your Honor!"
Gregory, the prosecution's witness, stood beside Ronny. The judge asked him what he saw. Gregory said that he and his brother walked into the restaurant, Ronny saw the woman who had fired them both the previous day from their job at the circus, pulled a small-caliber pistol from his coat pocket and shot her three times, killing her. Gregory said that when he saw the gun, he reached for it, but it was too late.
The judge found Ronny guilty of murder. But he couldn't put him in prison. He couldn't punish him at all.
Why?
I used this riddle as the basis for a courtroom short story I wrote called Side Show. Tension is built around Ronny, who has perpetrated a horrible act and everyone being stymied at how to punish him. Suspense is created, because we don't understand why Ronny can't be punished. And then the Surprise is sprung when you find out one piece of information and everything makes sense.
So how is the tension, suspense and surprise created? By leaving something out of the story.
When I begin a story, I look for what I can leave out. Leaving details out and allowing those details to unfold or to be exposed suddenly keeps the reader wondering, eager to know what's going on or why something is the way it appears to be. Wondering, contemplating, calculating. These mental activities manifest tension in the reader. They can't help it. Unless, of course, they lack natural curiosity or have to have everything spelled out for them or they impatiently lose all interest. These are not the kind of readers for whom I like to write. Give me a reader who likes to be in the dark about things and I'll show you someone who is spontaneous.
I once had a writer tell me, "Arrive late and leave early." He was talking about how he liked writing stories, even scenes. Here's a scene that gives you the beginning, middle and end:
Mack woke at 7 a.m., dressed and drove into Seattle, parking near the Space Needle. He looked up at the futuristic structure, beginning to feel nervous. He removed his overalls, struggling to get them over the pack on his back, then entered the elevator. Two women headed up for lunch stopped talking at the sight of a man wearing a parachute. When he reached the top of the Space Needle, he quickly climbed over the security rail. The harsh, cold wind hit him so hard he nearly toppled over.
Mack looked out over the bay. He wondered what it was going to be like. He loosened his grip on the railing behind him, thrusting his chest out, preparing himself, feeling his blood surging through his body, the adrenaline burning through him, his heart pounding. And then he let go and felt the rush of cold wind and the blur of the city below him. His legs caught an updraft and flipped him over into a position where he was not able to pull his rip cord. Moving his arms, waving them, twisting his weight to the side, he found himself in gliding position. But the city was rising up at him at a surprising velocity. He counted to three. Then pulled his cord and felt the grab of the parachute as it yanked him up out of his glide.
Mack soared, catching the currents, and began to look for some place to land. The spot he had chosen before ascending to the top of the Space Needle was now obliterated by fog that had rolled in so quickly, he hadn't noticed. Then he met the fog and was blinded. When he emerged from the fog suddenly, there was his car parked at the bottom of the Space Needle. He slammed into the side of it with such force that both legs shattered. His body was flung over the top and the parachute dragged him into the street, where he came to rest on the double-yellow line.
Here, using some of the same sentences, is how I could "arrive late and leave early":
The harsh, cold wind hit him so hard he nearly toppled over. Mack looked out over the bay. He wondered what it was going to be like. He loosened his grip on the railing behind him, thrusting his chest out, preparing himself, feeling his blood surging through his body, the adrenaline burning through him, his heard pounding. And then he let go and felt the rush of cold wind and the blur of the city below him. His legs caught an updraft and flipped him over into a position where he was not able to pull his rip cord. Moving his arms, waving them, twisting his weight to the side, he found himself in gliding position. But the city was rising up at him at a surprising velocity. He counted to three. Then pulled his cord and felt the grab of the parachute as it yanked him up out of his glide.
The spot he had chosen before ascending to the top of the Space Needle was now obliterated by fog that had rolled in so quickly, he hadn't noticed. Then he met the fog and was blinded.
Some of you might like the first version. I like the second, because the reader doesn't have the chronology of detail that allows for expecting what is coming next. Leaving out where Mack is and that he's wearing a parachute when he jumps creates tension, then surprise.
Okay. So what's missing from the murder "mystery?" What's missing is that Ronny and Gregory are twins...Siamese twins. The police and the judge couldn't punish the guilty Ronny, because they couldn't punish the innocent Gregory.
I like your style, the fact that your site is a little bit different makes it so interesting, I get fed up of seeing same-old-same-old all of the time. I've just stumbled this page for you
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Thanks for stumbling by. I hope you drop in regularly.
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